Everlasting Rest

As I take to my knees to write what is in my heart, I desire to understand what I am giving up for. 
This sacrifice of my life, this pain, this letting go, must be something I do for a great reward.

The joy set before him, led Jesus to die. The cross where He suffered is now where I died.

Long ago, I gave up the life I once had, to take from Him what He died to give.

Now, in fear that by following in to things I do not know – that I may never understand,

I am forced to once again trust Him with my life and reach out with empty hands.

The good that I had, I left all behind. Now with nothing, O Lord, I come.

Give, give me all that I desire. I desire more of You. I desire only You.

My one great reward and my one great treasure is to know You, to hear Your voice.

Nothing inside me understands this call. It seems like I have given up the world.

Sometimes I wonder if I will look back one day and wonder what fantasy it was,

That drives me to give everything away. Abandoning the life I could have, every day.

Like the ancient ones of faith, I desire a kingdom that is not of clay,

But I don’t know if, like them, I can spend my entire life waiting for someday.

The pressures around me to conform to the attitudes and lifestyles of normality,

Remind me at once of the gravity of my situation, the futility of life, the morality of choice…

And, by the grace of God, the absolute hopelessness of my situation apart from Christ.

If I were not first drawn into the desire to have what is best, I could not enter rest.

But the rest eludes me in the struggle of war. To keep the faith is tough.

When life is easy, I get careless. When it is hard, I am tempted to let go.

But one thing keeps me holding on, pressing in. I have found a treasure in a field,

An unshakeable kingdom, a promise that is sure, and a fortune that will not be taken away.

In order to buy, I must give up all that I possess. Including my life. Nothing less.

This payment not to buy, but rather be given. The reward is priceless - sacred by blood.

For me this treasure is free, but I cannot with hands that are full of pleasure

And a heart that is full of pride, find room for a vision that could overflow my life.

So giving up, emptying out, losing what most desire to gain, I complete the suffering, know joy.

I buy with a great cost what is already mine to possess: Salvation through Jesus Christ. 
Everlasting Rest.