True Greatness

The movie, It’s a Wonderful Life, shows the story of a man who never achieved his dreams of travelling the world, but who made a difference in the lives of everyone around him. What he discovers in the end is that king Solomon was correct in saying that one should take pleasure in eating, drinking, and being married because joy in that is a gift from God. His wonderful life was not my dream life in any context, but I think I now understand something of the transformation he had to go through to recognize the great gift he had been given.

Forrest Gump follows along similar lines. He is a man to whom life happens. “Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you’re going to get.” The thing about chocolates, though is that every one of them can be delicious…if you are not dreaming of getting the ‘other’ piece that’s still in the box. We like him because even though he didn’t try, he still became a millionaire. The lesson we forget to take is that he would have loved his life no matter how it turned out.

To take a more widely respected example, one could examine the career of George Washington and his constant desire to return to his farm. However, he consistently sacrificed his interest in a quiet and peaceful life in order to give his life for others. While his aspirations were correctly placed, his actions earned him a legacy – not because he sought to be famous, but because he did what was right.

Martin Luther, in a very different context, simply wanted to disseminate a few wonderful truths he had discovered, but in doing what was right found himself in a war with most of the established western powers. This man did not begin his life with a careful self-analysis that led him to believe his gifts and talents perfectly aligned with a career goal of ‘mastermind of the reformation.’ Instead, his legacy was created by his search for God and his consistent adherence to what he believed was the truth.

The one difficulty in this exploration is dealing with Jesus. Until his ministry began, his life seems to fit in with the model I am refining here, but after His baptism, it was completely different. One thing remains constant, though, Jesus did not seek a legacy (glory) for Himself but for His Father and only did those things His Father told Him to do. Jesus refers to taking up a cross every day, dying to oneself and taking His yoke upon us. However, the purpose behind this is a yoke that is easy and burden that is light. Even in this my greatest example, I do not find a king riding a war horse into Jerusalem, but a humble teacher riding a donkey amid his twelve disciples. This does not discount his anger against evil in the temple, His brutal confrontation of the Pharisees, and His constant war with the kingdom of darkness. However, these things do not typify our Savior.

His greatest command was not to fight the kingdom of darkness, or even don’t waste your life. The greatest command to love God and love others has remained constant since creation. For some, following this command will lead to a lasting legacy and a dramatic life. For most, however, such a lifestyle refers right back to a life of quietness and peace in which the Christian should thrive.

Such an understanding of the Christian religion is not often pursued except by default. Most Christians feel that they should accomplish something for God - perhaps even something great (a large ministry, many people saved, etc...). Usually this requires having money and influence. Considering the people that God often chose to accomplish His work throughout history (Joseph, Rahab, Gideon, David, Mary, Peter, etc...), one would be better off pursuing a life of eating drinking, and enjoying life with his/her spouse than to strive after illusive accomplishments.

It is in this way that the kingdom of God once again defies expectations and the least become greatest. It is where the quiet and peaceful life is an investment in the kingdom of God. It is not where a person can check out of reality to live in a cocoon, but it is a place where the responsibility of changing the world rests on the shoulders of its Creator.It requires one to recognize the true source of change: the Holy Spirit working in the hearts of men. When God’s people will humble themselves, pray, turn from their sin, and seek Him, then He is the one who accomplishes something great. He is the One who gets the glory, and we are the ones who enjoy the benefits of His goodness.

Pointless work and happiness

This summer I have desperately enjoyed pretty much every day including those in which I was sick for the challenge they presented. At this point, I don’t feel like there is something missing. Sure, my life is not perfect and there are a number of things I am disappointed about. I no longer live for the future, but in the moment of every day (this discounts the steps I think are wise like paying off credit, pursuing a degree and finding suitable employment). I think I have come to trust God in a way that the responsibility to make something of myself does not rest in my hands. I know my job and do not try to do God’s. He is the one who raises up and tears down. He brings poverty and riches. He knows the times, the seasons, the years of my life, and the purpose of my existence.

I do not know what He has planned for me, but I intend to enjoy the entire journey. In the situations I find myself, there is nothing that can change my state of contentment as long as my focus is on Jesus. I do not expect perfection of myself, but expect improvement.

I sometimes reflect on my past life in which everything I did surmounted to the expectations of others for the eventual accomplishment of some distant goal. Unfortunately the achievement of the goal was not worth the sacrifice taken to accomplish it and I often wondered at the happiness and success of those who did not live their life with dedication toward an ideal achievement.

In a previous reflection, I wrote on the stupidity of pursuing progress by sacrificing the life that it was supposed to improve. Yesterday, I watched another movie that took me back to the joyous simplicity of life that is lived outside the bounds of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Having food and clothes, let us be content (scripture). We do not have to accomplish something great in order to make our lives worth something. From another angle, that which is great is not often thought worthwhile to pursue.

From a Christian standpoint, this is a distortion brought about by sin. That which is great (love, service, righteousness, peace, etc…) is often sacrificed for the sake of material, physical, financial, or even mental productivity. In pursuit of becoming the ‘boss of all,’ very few undertake the path of becoming ‘servant of all.’ Yet, this is the means by which Jesus won his glory.

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As a student of economics, I appreciate the ability of industry to fight against poverty and allow people the luxury of food and water. However, more than this, I do not understand the worship of progress as the means to freedom for a people who often enjoy life more than those in advanced countries. In a question, which is more valuable: a short life of hard work and joy, or a long life of easy work without joy.  As the western world carries its treasures of economics to the developing world, it is not accompanied by a philosophy of how to use these treasures successfully.

While on the subject of Christian economics, I should note that the blessing of God is the source of prosperity and comfortable living. Certainly on an individual level, it appears that wealth can be gotten by unsavory means. However, on the national and ultimate levels, biblical prophecy and example seems to indicate that food, famine, health, power, wealth, etc... are gifts from the creator for nations of people to accomplish his purposes.

To further support this idea, one could site the numbers of people who when describing their success seem to attribute their accomplishment to some level of luck or providence. When duplicating their methods fails to produce the same results, one wonders what actually determined the accomplishment.  

Considering the western propensity toward an internal locus of control, it is understandable that I have neither seen nor searched for scholarship in business and economics from the standpoint of divine providence and a holistic lifestyle. Though I have touched on various ideas while browsing eastern philosophy, I don't believe that even these explorations have the full picture since they lack the Christian perspective. 

To end this short and somewhat scattered reflection, I quote a wise man who wrote in Ecclesiastes 6:1-3 “There is an evil I have seen under the sun, and it lies heavy on mankind: a man to who m God gives wealth, possessions and honor, so that he lacks nothing of all that he desires, yet God does not give him power to enjoy them… his soul is not satisfied with life’s good things…a stillborn child is better than he.”

The Prison of Religion

In reflection this morning, I recalled once again the great freedom that I have discovered after finally entrusting my soul completely to God. As I read about the work God has done in my heart in the Bible and other materials, I wonder why it took so long for me to reach this point when the path was so obvious. The nation of Israel provides the perfect example of my own stumbling. The law was given to lead them to righteousness through faith, but they stumbled by attempting to fulfill it by their own works.

In my Christian experience, I recall reading through books and hearing the idea of surrendering to God. Of letting go and letting Him take control of my life. I knew from trial and error that attempting to be a good Christian was really difficult, but I thought that I could eventually achieve a more ideal state if I figured out the right steps to follow. Unfortunately, all of the steps that I thought were right required me to earn for myself what Christ has already offered for free. In my pursuit of holiness, I turned my back on what was Holy, despised the gift of salvation, and even tried to take the position of God.  Because it was derived from my own efforts, my Christianity looked good to the church, but had no heart.

The nice things I did for others out of duty became nothing because they were not accompanied by love. The smile I carried on my face only reflected the joy I knew I was supposed to have, and the peace I claimed to hold required such constant attention to maintain that I knew it would be gone shortly. Worst of all, I turned the God I claimed to serve into little more than a genie who failed at granting wishes, a judge who required more than I could ever pay, and a servant who by reason of His own laws would have to grant me access to heaven because of the knowledge I had obtained.

This is the point at which I stumbled. I had faith in my own understanding of the methods by which I could procure my own salvation. I knew that salvation was only available because of God’s grace and Jesus sacrifice, but I never placed my faith entirely in these two incredible facts. In this way, I turned God’s incredible blessing into my own incredible burden and insulted the cross through my inordinate sense of pride that I claimed was ‘biblical.’

Though I spent hours pouring through books on doctrine and theology to support my beliefs, I soon came to understand that every person I read had a slightly different understanding of who God was and how one could obtain His blessings. Even so, I desperately assaulted the philosophies that were incompatible with my own. Usually these had to deal with eschatology, baptism, church traditions, and highly controversial topics like predestination. If I could not prove to myself or to someone else that the alternatives to my methods would not work, I became uncomfortable with my own beliefs and began to worry about my ultimate end. The only glimmer of light that fell into this dark world vanished when I came to realize that many people do not believe in the idea of eternal security.

Only after this point, when I lost faith in my own ability to procure my salvation, did I acquire the humility that is necessary for one to place his faith in the goodness of God for salvation. 

Success

How do I measure success? This question continues to haunt me even though I continue to grow more strongly in the conviction that faithful living in small things prepares a person to be faithful with larger responsibilities in the kingdom of God. When I look back on the rest of this year, how do I know that I have been successful in seeking first the kingdom of God? This is the one thing that I have defined as a goal for my life: to know God and to see His kingdom prosper here on earth.

If conventional wisdom is correct, I should be able to break this goal down into several smaller, achievable pieces that I can pursue one at a time. However, this is something like trying to manipulate a relationship using scientific principles. It just doesn’t work. The only way that I can accomplish my goal is by developing my relationship with God through everything that I do: prayer, work, Bible study, hanging out, eating. But how does one measure these things?

If it were in quantity of time spent in one or the other, it would be easy to determine success or failure. If it is the quality of each aspect that determines its effectiveness, the measurement becomes much more difficult. I would argue that the second, not the first, is the only real way to measure the growth of a relationship. Do I want to spend time in prayer? Why did I read my Bible today? What was the goal of my conversation with a friend? Was I eating in a way that God was glorified?

To stop and ask all these questions throughout the day would be not only joyless, but absolutely overwhelming. If I measure success by perfection, I will be sorely disappointed.

Thus, I tentatively conclude that two years from now I will view the intervening investment of my life as a success if at that point in time I can say with confidence that Christ is all I need, if I am living in a way that demonstrates a faith in what is unseen, and if I am loving in a way that defies human nature. Essentially, I am successful if God continues “to will and to do of His good pleasure” drawing me to Himself.

Since pursuing God is not something I initiate, but something I respond to, my responsibility for success rests largely outside my control. It is somewhere in that tricky combination of “work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you.”

My long-term success then, is not based on my careful planning, or on what I achieve financially, educationally, or even relationally. Instead, it is based on faithfulness to what I know to be true in the little things. Do not despise small things, for the kingdom of God is made up of the least of these.

Such a perspective provides an excellent counterbalance to the strongly-argued position that believers need to invest their talents wisely. Take a long-term view of how they can best prepare to serve the kingdom of God. But who knows how many years or minutes of life they have left. What if one’s entire  life is spent in preparation for a moment that never comes? What if it is not careful planning and perfect execution that provides one with wealth or power?

Ah, but here the dirty secret is revealed. For although I understand where my success truly lies, my heart would still have me pursue a faulty measurement of success through wealth or power. God, however, is not limited by my bank account, title, or connections. He only limits himself to the respect that I wish to assume His position.

While I intended to discover that there is a place for careful planning and foresight into the future, I believe this short journal has exposed my motives for pursuing such a conclusion. My long-term plans are still enslaved to the pursuit of wealth and power. Until my long-term purpose becomes nothing more than knowing Christ, long-term planning has the potential to throw me off course in my pursuit of the successful life. 

Real Joy

Last Saturday I showed up for a church service where there was a visiting speaker who has been a missionary overseas for years. He spent the entire sermon in a prayer for the congregation. It was a prayer for blessing through poverty, through suffering, through hunger, through unanswered prayers, and even through death. If we want to live like Jesus did, he said, we need to expect all of these things.

As I sat there listening, I realized how easy it was to pray that blessing over someone else, but how scary it was to admit that he was praying for me. Do I actually want to know God so badly that I am willing to give up having food to eat on a regular basis, a place to stay, a nice car, a job, my reputation, or even my life? Having to respond to these questions honestly, I found myself saying no. I am ready to give up the good things of life for Jesus, but I am not ready to embrace the difficult things of life for Him. I am scared of pain and suffering. I don’t know what to do about it. But I pray that God will show me more of who He is so that anything I might go through becomes insignificant compared to knowing Him.

I think this was one of the first times I sat through a message that so severely convicted me that I wanted to change and did not feel like I was a bad Christian. What I learned in Colorado has stayed with me. I will never be perfect and Jesus loves me exactly as I am. In fact, my focus was so drawn back to Jesus that I understood these ‘difficulties’ to be ‘blessings’ that I may not be prepared for now. It seems that truly following Jesus is a pretty radical and scary thing. I understand something of why the disciples had such difficulty being good followers of Jesus.

After the service I was so refreshed through prayer and worship that I want to meet with that church again. Leaving the building though, I began to feel a pressure inside that I could not understand. I wanted to shout. I wanted to run. I wanted to so something to express what I was feeling but did not know what it was. I was entirely discontent with reading, with praying, driving, thinking, or anything. I needed to share the love of God that I felt with someone.

In Acts 2, the disciples waited to be filled with the Holy Spirit and immediately thereafter were out in the streets proclaiming the work of God in a supernatural way. When they were filled with the Holy Spirit, their reaction was to share it with someone else. When I became filled up with the Holy Spirit, I wanted to burst because I had to find a way to share it with someone else. It was only through a conversation with another believer that I ‘let off some steam.’

Next time I want to be prepared for the power of God to overwhelm me by having some outlet to share His goodness with another person.

I began to understand the idea that God fills us up as we pour ourselves out last fall when I began to pray for other people and realized that God filled me up with love and joy as I shared it with others. Now, I wonder at my cupidity in requesting the power of God for my own enjoyment and marvel at the fact that He so often fills me fuller even when I am already satisfied. I think He is trying to get me to spill over into the lives of people around me so that they can know the joy that I have found.

Grace

For the past two and a half weeks, I have found very little time to pray and even less time to reflect. But as time goes by between the moments I still spend with God, I find my attention slipping onto things that do not matter and even into religious ritual that I hope will jump-start the engine of self-motivated, successful Christian living. I begin to forget that my identity is not found in what I have or what I do, but in the love that God has for me. I forget that I am not the one who I depend on for life, for food, and for a car to drive. I forget that my relationship with God can be so much more than simply praying, acting in a certain way, or knowing certain things.

I recognize what is happening as a slip into a world that looks less and less like the kingdom of God and more like my pride, but I am too busy in pursuit of what I want to take more than a token step back in the right direction. I am learning that not only am I unable to follow God without His grace, but apart from His work, I do not even want to try.

The evil that is inside me would draw me further and further into myself, the busyness of my world, and the hollow joys of my success. Even the love that I would show to others becomes a meaningless action when I am in such a condition. 


Then like Peter who lost his focus on Jesus while walking on the water, I notice the waves around me and begin to sink. My only hope is that the Son of God will once again reach out His arm to pull me back to Him.

That is grace!

Faith and Action

[an excerpt from 'the journey] 

I find myself in some regard, caught between two extremes.  There is a reason why I really liked what the church I visited in Denver was doing back in summer 2010. It makes sense and can really be boiled down into the idea of serving people. Being plugged into a community to make a difference does seem to be the call of the church – the church, which is made up of individuals. It also leads to discipleship and transformation of people’s lives. All this is good, but the question remains, who does it?

Any group can do what that church is doing for the sake of ‘the cause.’ In their case, ‘the cause’ is the gospel and one worth fighting for. They are obviously seeking God’s help, spending time in the Bible, and praying, but when it comes to who receives the praise for what is happening, it seems the answer is the system, the church structure, the philosophy of life. The answer I expected to hear was God’s work in my life and the lives of others. Here’s my problem, God uses people to do His work, but we are talking about miracles and lives transformed. This is something people can’t do.

In contrast, I believe that my philosophy may be one in which I try to do nothing and let God do all the work. I believe that even if I didn’t accomplish anything great, but simply enjoyed time in His presence that He would use me to do work in people’s lives. My focus is on Him only and whatever work He does through me is simply a blessing and a way for me to know Him more fully. This does not preclude me from work, but directs me from a different aspect toward what should be the same results. If God’s heart truly is revealed in the scripture, then as He aligns mine with His, I will be reaching out and serving my community in a way that looks very similar to what happens here.

In conversations last night, I encountered once again, the split vision that I have of what it means to be a Christian. On the one hand, you have a lifestyle, a community, and a way of living that is set out in the Bible. In order to live this effectively, God must work, and believers must ask for help. On the other hand you have a lifestyle, a community, and a way of life that is instilled in one’s heart through prayer. In order to be effective, a person must check his growth against the Bible, but nothing can happen if God doesn’t do it. The end of the first is accomplishing something for the kingdom of God. The end of the second knows God.

Jesus described this difference in a parable about sheep and goats that is incredibly scary. In the parable, Jesus told the goats who had worked all sorts of signs and wonders in His name, ‘I never knew you.’ The sheep who had served other people were welcomed into His joy. Notice a fine line appearing between doing things in Jesus’ name, and doing things for others. Between serving the action, and serving the person. 

To put this question personally to myself, I wonder if I am continuing to hide behind a shroud of religiousness in order to avoid doing the work that God has called me to. I know my faith is strong, but I don’t believe this means God always fights all my battles for me. Sometimes, I have to struggle through.

I think I will find as I continue to study this, that both paths can lead to legalism and are actually much more similar than I might have imagined. Action requires prayer. Effective prayer leads to action. Faith without works is dead. Works without love are worthless.

What now?

There are several goals that I have for my time here in Minnesota. The first goal is to focus on my relationships with God through time in prayer, in the Bible and in everything I do. The second goal is to find others with a similar interest and encourage their pursuit. Besides this I have no real agenda. I cannot change anyone’s heart. I cannot point out anyone’s sin by my own. Jesus told a story of those who think they can see clearly to point out the problems that other people have and offer to help with them. It is quite obvious that those who think they can see and offer a solution to others have a much greater problem than those they criticize.

Furthermore, John 8:1-11 constantly returns to mind as I stand with the Pharisees ready to throw stones at the sinner, but realize that I too am imperfect. At the end of the story, Jesus was the only person who remained with the woman and He is the only one who could speak the following words to her; “go and sin no more.”

For as long as I can remember, I have searched for a solution to the problem of broken churches and sinful people - some method or shortcut to the perfect lifestyle or church.  Every time I thought I had found it, I would be disappointed that following the steps exactly as described failed to work. After giving up hope that such a solution existed, I discovered that the answer is not an idea but a person. That person, Jesus, has completely changed my life and offers to do the same to anyone else who will come to Him in humility and let Him begin to work.

I could not fix my problems and cannot offer to fix them for anyone else. All that I can do is introduce them to the One who can.

Sunday night, I arrived back in Minnesota with plans to attend my church, but discovered there was no service. I then drove to another meeting, but found out the church had moved. Finally, I decided to drive until I found a church parking lot with cars in it. I had to meet with some Christians. Walking into the first church that I found, I eventually came across a gather of college students and enjoyed some time of prayer and bible study. I left encouraged and excited to have made my first connections with the church south of the river.

Monday, I spent several hours talking with a neighbor about my experience and like the night before was encouraged both by his walk with God and by the way our conversations were so encouraging. He warned me as many others have that most people are comfortable with their idea of Christianity and not open to change. To this I responded as I had learned in Colorado that my job is simply to run after God faithfully and let Him worry about working on the people around me. If I get the chance to love them and participate, I get the blessing of being faithful and possibly the joy of seeing fruit.

Tuesday, I connected with several individuals on my job hunt, but wonder how any of them knew that I was a Christian. I found it slightly awkward to announce to one of the ladies I met that the reason I came to Minnesota was to work with a church. She seemed to have no concept of what I was thinking.

Finally, today, I enjoyed spending time with my grandparents, sister and brother-in-law, brother, and an old friend. It is so much fun simply enjoying the life that God has given me realizing I am free from any obligations to Him, but constantly looking for the chance to know Him more fully through everything that I do.

One of the things that I struggle with is the idea of measuring up to expectations of other people. As a broke, recent college grad, it can sometimes be difficult to remember that my valued does not depend on what I do or on how much money is in my bank account. My value is secure and unchanging because of the price that Jesus had to pay to call me into His kingdom. As I follow Him, He will provide for my needs in ways that many people will never get to experience. Even now, looking for a job, I am excited to find out exactly how He intends to fill that need in my life. There are several interesting things that have happened so far in my networking, applying, and searching. I will write more about them later.