The River

Before the clock changes and I begin the second day of my 24^th year of life, all I can say is ‘thank you.’ I have discovered beauty that I could never imagine. Hope that I never dreamed of has filled my heart. What I had come to know at my last birthday, I have now come to live. I am awash in a river of love. Carried about by its currents, I know neither my destination nor my course.

I have walked the pathways beside this river wondering at the fools who chose to cast themselves into the water instead of simply refreshing themselves with its goodness on occasion. I knew my pathway and chose my destination carefully – that is, I chose to always stay where I could access the life-giving water of this river if I should need it. However, what I really wanted was so far from its banks that I would never reach it unless the river changed its course.

I tried to dig many channels and streams to direct the water along the route I wanted to go, but in my riverbeds, the water became muddy and undrinkable. It was still water from the river, but it could not satisfy my thirst when I had brought it so far away from its source. Eventually, I discovered, I could not have the water without the river. I could not have the river without giving up the destination I had chosen.

In despair, I began to walk the pathway beside the river and wonder where it might lead. While others floated past on swirling currents, I struggled to continue my journey in the hot sun beside them. My heart could not yet decide between the sweetness of the water and the temptations of my dreams that lay so far from it.

I cannot say why I did not recognize the foolishness of this decision until the day that I stumbled on the road for what seemed the 100^th time. Why this time was different, I will never know. Instead of getting back up and continuing my journey, I realized that my heart must choose one direction or the other. I would leave the river behind me, or I would jump in.

I will never know what would have happened if I had turned my back to the river and followed the dreams I had carried for so long. At times the current that now carries me seems to rush toward what I once desired, but even then, I desire only to be more fully immersed in the water. So I wait, content to see where this rushing water will carry me, excited to explore its endless depth, and eager to invite others to join the experience. For now I have seen that every dream finds its fulfillment in this one thing, every accomplishment is made possible by its power, and every desire is satisfied in this water.

This year, I gave up walking. Everything I wanted turned out to be unsatisfying compared to throwing myself in the river and letting it carry me to its destination. As I face this next year, I realize that I have just been launched over the edge of a waterfall and cannot see where my journey will continue. But even here, I am surrounded by water that has itself come over the edge of the cliff with me. It continues to carry me and remains unchanging even though my experience of it will never be the same. If every person must take a journey through this life, there is only one way I could possibly recommend.